Grace in Small Things - 111

1.  Fresh brewed ice tea.

2.  The way Ana will lean her head into me and say "You my favorite Mama."

3.  Listening to Zoe read a book.  AN ACTUAL BOOK.

4.  The quiet that is currently in my house.  It is so quiet.

5.  The magic contained in a tube of Vicks Vaporub.

Weight for me!!!

The ladies over at Curvy Girl Guide are "getting real".  Audrey wrote this post that really struck a chord with me.  Her post talked about how weight can be "a source of secrecy and shame".  She asked some bloggers if they would be willing to share their stats and photos with her. Over 2 dozen women shared photos... AND their height and weight... for her post.  (Read the post... really... and then come back... I'll wait.) I decided I had to share a little too.

Once upon a time, a long time ago (before I had Ana, before I had Zoe, before I got married)... I went to Weight Watchers.  I was quite successful.  I was a stickler about the points, and the servings, and the water, and the activity.  I lost almost 40 pounds... and was down (at my lowest) to 130 pounds.

Anyway... I got married and relaxed a bit.  I gained a little weight.  But... I was comfortable with myself.  I think I floated around 140 lbs.

Then...I got pregnant with Zoe... and I gained weight.  I gave birth and I lost the weight.  Well... some weight.  I got stuck around 170 lbs.

I tried Weight Watchers again.  I thought "I did it before, I can do it again.  Maybe."  I made a decision, though.  This will sound strange... but I wasn't REALLY happy at 130 lbs.  Don't get me wrong... I liked the appearance of 130 lbs.  But, I was neurotic about writing EVERYTHING down in that WW journal.  It made me anxious... trying to stay at goal.  I worried about food.  I thought about food ALL the time.  It took every bit of will power in me to stay near 130.  So I said.... forget 130.  That seemed unreasonable.  I figured my happy goal could be 150 lbs.

Well, the WW people didn't like my goal of 150.  It technically was 2 (or 4? I can't recall exactly... it was over 5 years ago) pounds over the healthy range they had for my height (5'4").  They said I could put down 148 (or 146?).  I don't know why... but those 2 (or 4?) pounds on paper just really threw me off.  I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't focus.  I thought "I just want to be a happy 150.  Why can't they just let me do 150?  150 is doable"  I tried a little... but not enough.  I stopped going to the meetings.

Then I got pregnant with Ana... and I gained weight.  I gave birth and I lost weight.  Well... not really much more than that baby and fluid weight.  This time I got stuck at 180.5 lbs.

2 1/2 years later and the scale just taunts me.  I watch what I eat... 180.5.  I eat like a crazy person (where DID all of those girl scout cookies go?)... 180.5.  (And that .5 TOTALLY pisses me off.)  It just doesn't seem to matter one bit what I eat... that scale just looks back at me and flashes 180.5 lbs.

I finally had enough of the 180.5.  I'm uncomfortable with myself.  I'm not happy being the chubby mom.  I'm just not happy.  Something needs to change.

12 days ago our new treadmill was delivered.  It is big and bulky.  To make it fit in our house we had to rearrange our bedroom in a way that bugs me.  For the first day it existed in our house I couldn't do anything more than look at it and hate it just a little bit.

It has been in our house for 12 days.  I have walked 30 minutes per day on 10 of the last 12 days.  This morning I got on that scale and instead of flashing the number it's flashed at me for the last 2 1/2 years... it's flashed at 178.5 pounds.

That feels like the biggest 2 pound accomplishment of my life.  Sharing that here for public viewing makes me feel good.  That was the one thing about Weight Watchers that I always felt helped push me towards losing weight.  Going to the weekly meeting, stepping on the scale, and having someone else see what I had done.  Even just that 1 lady each week that looked at my scale and jotted down my weight.  The accountability.  Giving up the secret.

So... 9 years, 1 marriage, 2 kids and 50 pounds later... I'm putting it all out there.

I'm 38 years old, 5'4", 178.5 lbs.

And... it seems, the most recent (almost) full body photo of me is from last August.  Gotta fix that too.

I know how that mom feels...

I've heard this song before.  Neil Brewer... Three Kids in a Car.  I haven't heard it in a while, but I've always found it funny.

I remember at one point a lot of the mom listeners of Kids Place Live were calling in and saying it was somewhat unlikable or inappropriate or not a proper interpretation of real life or something.  I don't remember... I remember thinking the arguments were ridiculous.  It is ABSOLUTELY how real life is.  And, maybe that's why those moms didn't like the song.  I don't know.  (sorry... babbling)

This morning it came on while we were driving to the Y... because I torture my children by signing them up to do miserable things like dancing and t-ball.  The nerve of me.

This morning when I heard this song all I could think was "I TOTALLY know how that mom feels.  TOTALLY.  Give me one more kid in the car and I AM that mom."

Go ahead... click play... and please tell me that this song isn't just about me.




Oh what a beautiful day.... (repeat, repeat repeat... because if you say it enough you start to believe, right?)

Grace in Small Things - 110

1. A Saturday morning spent at a birthday party at the local movie theater (Rango was pretty good by the way).

2.  An empty parking space right when I need one.

3.  Sunshine sunshine sunshine!!!

4.  Ana taking a 3 hour nap after 4 days of not actually sleeping during nap time  (although she has a mean Mom that takes advantage of the fact that she doesn't mind spending time awake in her crib with her sleepy time friends and her LETTERS).

5.  The last hour that Zoe has spent writing a book.

I Not Doin' Nupin!

That right there?  That is a girl who knew she was caught. 

To me... those eyes are saying "What?  Me?  I not doin' anyfing.  This is not YOUR blanket I'm using Mama.  Nope.  And you are imaginin' that I have this binky that is supposed to be in my bed.  And this bunny bear?  I did not get it out of Zoe Bo Boe's* room.  I dunno what yer talkin' bout."


* Just as an odd side note... Ana suddenly starting calling her sister "Zoe Bo Boe" today.  I don't know why.  I don't know what made her decide today was the day Zoe needed a nick name.  All I do know is that Zoe DOES NOT LIKE IT... and Ana seems to enjoy using it to get a reaction.  Fun times, I tell ya... fun times.

Heard in the other room...

Ana and Zoe are in the TV room. Nick is in the living room. I'm in the kitchen.

The girls are nice to each other... until they're not.

It's quiet... until it's not.

There is suddenly Ana screaming (in her blood curdling way) and Zoe yelling at her (in a way only a big sister can yell at a little sister).

Ana - SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM

Zoe - I'M A KID!!!!!! I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!!

Nick - um what?

Me - giggling

Immediately we all go back to whatever we were doing before.

Currently Ana

Ana is currently OBSESSED with this set of ABCs meant for the bath tub.  She has at least a couple of letters with her at all times.  She bathes with them.  She eats with them.  She watches TV with them.  She sleeps with them.  She goes to the potty with them.  She goes to school with them.  It is currently a very rare thing to see Ana without a letter or 2.

Ana also is currently in the phase of making this cheesy smile every single time she gets her picture taken.  Well... every single time she agrees to let me take her picture at least.  If she's not making this cheesy grin she's making her grumpy face or covering her face with her grumpy arms.  I suppose I should be happy that occasionally she lets me take a photo of this cheesy grin.  (She only smiled this time because I told her I was taking a picture of her AWESOME FABULOUS OBSESSED OVER LETTERS... not her.)

She smiled here because I told her I would take a picture of her letter Q.  It seems that currently the letter Q is her favorite letter of all time (although yesterday her favorite letter was R... and who knows what it will be tomorrow).

At 2 1/2 Ana is having a love affair with letters.  And actually... she's been in love with letters for quite a while.  Last summer (just after she turned 2) she suddenly let us know that she could recognize and name every single letter of the alphabet.  She's forever naming letters.  And now she has this solid alphabet that she can have, and hold, and carry around. 

So currently... Ana's very favorite possession is a set of foam alphabet letters.  I'm hoping it's a love that holds fast.  A love of letters should grow into a love of words, and reading, and writing... right?

Storytime with Squeaky

This is Squeaky.  We've had Squeaky (and his brother Pumpkin) since October.  He's a guinea pig.

 

After all of these months Zoe suddenly realized that Squeaky seems to like relaxing on the couch to enjoy a good storytime.

Squeaky pays very close attention while Zoe reads to him.  The content matter seems quite interesting to him.

You wouldn't think he'd be too interested in hearing a 5 year old's interpretation of a book about caring guinea pigs.  Some of the things she "reads" to him sound a little far fetched.

He does seem to pay attention though.

He looks pretty comfy atop a poof of pink fairy blanket.

Grace in Small Things - 109

1. Pages filled with stars of all sizes (because when a kindergartner figures out how to draw a star all by themselves... there's very little else they'll draw).

2. Channels that stream full episodes of their shows online (because sometimes the dvr just doesn't do what you want it to).

3. Doctors that give you actual answers... actually, scratch that... nurse practitioners that give you actual answers.

4. Sleeping children.

5. Starbucks Java Chip ice cream.

A week on my iPhone

I haven't taken any REAL photos in much too long.  There are a few shots on my camera of some chalk drawings that Zoe took photos of since she didn't think they would survive the snow (since it was "warm" enough to chalk draw outside one day and snow the next)... and a picture of a stamp on Zoe's hand that she didn't think would survive hand washing (because they rarely do).  Last night I actually took a couple of "real" photos and I'll actually have to get them off the camera to share (because kids reading books to guinea pigs is kinda hysterical).  But generally... my camera is getting very little action.  I can only guess that my lack of picture taking has to do with the gloomy weather and my gloomy attitude.

As sad as my camera must be to be sitting unused on the desk... at least the iPhone camera has been getting put to use.  Here are the photos pulled off of my phone from the last week.

Smiley face cookies bought on my birthday (2/25)

My birthday dinner (2/25)...

My birthday mocha cake (2/25)...

View out the window at a nature center (2/26)...

Dinosaur bday party at the same nature center (2/26)...

Giggle at the grocery store (2/26)...

This photo was actually taken by Ana.  My beautiful new niece Phebe (born 2/26)...

Testing out the dive blocks (3/2)...

Splash (2/2)...

What juice bottles do when no one is looking (2/2)...

Anyone else find that their camera is being neglected because of Winter?

Cheer up

It's been downright gloomy here... although I will admit it has been gloom with a slim random touch of blue sky and sun. Mostly it's been gloomy. Dreary. Rainy. Gray.

And so I have been feeling rather gloomy I think.

Like a rock.

So today... I am wearing pink. And I bought a new fresh shampoo and was complimented on my hair today. And I switched our desktop picture to this flash of bright orange.

Go away now gloomy dreary winter. I've had enough.